Der Hammer, Hammerfest. Hammerfest, Der Hammer.

Kee-yah my brothers and sisters of the Nordic Tundra and beyond. I realize this race report is late in coming, however writers block and intermittent episodes of technophobia have delayed my ability to post. Luckily none of my maladies were permanent and I am back at the keyboard ready to rock out an update of an event so epic it is sure to claim a place of prominence amongst the important moments of cycling history.  Somewhere between the advent of the Draisienne in 1817 by Germany's Baron von Drais and the conception and propagation of Lycra, sits the three days of the 2010 Ft. Davis Hammer Fest.


With intentions of piercing self transformation, the band of brothers known as Team Wooly Mammoth embarked on a weekend of racing, smudging and loving.  The drive out to West Texas is a long one and with our most junior team member, Jaime Dayo (the only man MAN enough to brave the drive with the women's team) adequately beleaguered and forced to bury his head sheepishly in his hands on multiple occasions, the ladies felt ready to conquer all that faced them.

First on the docket, a Native American blessing of quads and steeds.  The history of friendly relations between Wooly Mammoth and all Native American tribes is well know the world over.  It has come to benefit us many times.  The story of Juan Benedicto Rainbowpath Wheelarosa narrowly escaping a swift scalping after "accidentally" stumbling onto sacred Cherokee ground in search of magical mushrooms for his latest energy bar is ritualistically retold at all TWM gatherings.  Obviously once Raibowpath mentioned Team Wooly Mammoth Shaman and Healer, Mark WhiteEagle, all was forgiven and peyote mushrooms were showered on him like rose petals at a wedding. 

Now in the barren dessert of West Texas we were to benefit from these friendly bonds once again.  Ft. Davis is home to Mark WhiteEagle and lucky for us he was willing to make a rare in person appearance at our undercover headquarters.  Friday night was full of magic, dragons, lions, angel spirits, ceremonial rituals, energy cleansing and healing the likes of which could only be rivaled by Dr. Drew on VH1s Celebrity Rehab.

With auras cleansed and sins forgiven, our quads and hearts had never been more prepared for battle.  And a battle ROYALE is exactly what was staring us straight in the face:

Stage One: The Mountain Climb - The biggest mountain in Texas, Lance has claimed on multiple occasions it rivals Alpe D'Huez in difficulty

Stage Two: The Time Trial - Exposed to the desolate roads and winds of Ft. Davis, this is truly a war between man and nature.

Stage Three: The Road Race - Just when you thought you were done climbing, you climb some more.

The powerful women's squad couldn't have asked for a better performance.  Katiki, recently upgraded to Cat 3, reminded all Central Texas racers why categories don't apply to TWM.  She dominated every stage and brought home the GC victory.  Bettini Hodginski, snagged 5th.  Yours truly, with the power of the mountain spirits and an eagle or two at my back, secured 10th overall.  Micki McNair grabbed 12th while conquering some demons not even her sisters could help her eradicate.

The men's squad was blessed with a stage victory in the road race by none other than team director sportif Patricio Newelleta.  It was a definite highlight to run along side him as he soloed to victory.